The insides of Vanessas mind!

Two weeks ago my bestfriend/other half went to bootcamp. I was so use to talking to whenever I wanted to and seeing him whenever I wanted. I was SO sad when he had to leave. The last couple weeks haven't been as bad as I thought they would've. Yes, I miss him more than anything but at the same time I feel like I'm learning stuff about myself from this whole situation. I've learned that I can depend on myself and rely on myself to get things done. Us being apart has truly made me realize why I am in love with him. We don't get to talk very much so when I do get to talk to him I cherish every moment. I even get butterflies at the sound of his voice. Well I guess that's it for now :))

So, I was in a quote mood and started looking up love/life quotes. Here are a couple that caught my eye. "Sometimes your brain gets in the way of what your heart really wants to say." "If you don't like someone, the way he holds his spoon will make you furious. If you care about someone, he can turn his plate over in your lap and you won't mind." - Irving Becker "The higher you build walls around your heart, the harder you fall when someone tears them down." "Being taken for granted can be a compliment. It means you've become a comfortable, trusted element in another person's life." - Joyce Brothers "You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love." - Henry Drummond "Many people spend their entire lives searching for the meaning of life, but it has completely eluded them. They look for material goods, thri

Lately things have been looking oh so good! In September I started a new job, which I love. Yesterday, I found out I got another position at the same school I work at. It pays really, really well and I'll be working in the classrooms with the students. Something I've always wanted to do. My boss is talking to another vice principal at another school to get me even more hours, which is awesome. I've even been applying to schools for the spring semester. I should know by next month what school I'm going to. I know I've taken a long time to get my life going the way I want it to go but hey who ever said things come easy. I know from experience that everything comes with hard work and God is always there to help guide me in the right direction. I thank him every day for guiding me through this crazy world. I know there have been hard times in my life that have prevented me from getting through school as fast as others but I'll get through it. I just realized 60 days

The last blog I wrote someone thought it'd be funny to email my boyfriend and tell him what I wrote. After that happened I thought I'd hide my blog so that no one could read it but then I thought why am I going to let someone control me or frighten me from what I write on here. My boyfriend knows everything I write on here so for someone to "pretend their his friend" and tell him is ridiculous and childish. I also loved how the person thought it would be cool to put me down when I confronted them about emailing him. Like the saying say "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me". So on to the real reason I'm writing. Theres less than 90 days till my boyfriend leaves and it kind of saddens me, scratch that it really saddens me! After all the talks him and I have had, I really think he needs to do this because it'll make him a stronger person. I know he wants to prove to himself and to others that he can do this but mostly to hi

Lately for some reason when I listen to certain country songs I get really sad about my boyfriend leaving. I know it's not for another 3 months but for some reason everything hits me and I start to get really sad (I even cry some times). I don't tell anyone of course that I'm sad because I can't. I can't tell my bf that I don't want him to leave because that wouldn't be right of me to do that to him. He's the one making the big sacrifice not me. I'm not going to a new place. So I guess i'll just keep away from country music for awhile or I'll just build myself up by becoming tolerable to the music, so it doesn't affect me.

So since the last time I wrote a lot has come up in my life. Life always has it's changes sometimes it's a slow change and sometimes it's a fast curve ball change that you didn't know was coming. My boyfriend of 3 years has been talking about joining the military for awhile. When I stop and think about it I think he's mentioned it ever since we first start dating (so I guess I should've saw this coming). Last week he went to talk to a recruiter about joining. I thought oh it's just talking he may not sign up if he knows how long he'll be away from home and what not. But I guess I was just psyching myself out. So this week he's taking all of his test to join. After all the tests on Wednesday he takes his oath and will be going to boot camp in November. He'll graduate in and around the end of April but wont come home till around March. It's only 4 months or so but it's during the holiday season. I haven't spent the holidays without him

So last weekend I had a pretty darn good weekend. I went to Bakersfield with my bestie Tammy, Greg and Tammy's friend Mallory (Tammy's cousin met us there). The reason we went there was a for a concert, the bands were Fun, Relient K and Paramore (Paramore being the headliners). Greg drove us, in Tammy's aunts car, we got to Bakersfield then went to Greg's families house to pick up the tickets and when we got there they had pizza waiting for us, it was really nice of them. So then we went to the place the concert was it was called Rabobank arena (kinda funny name lol). When we got there, there were a lot of people waiting to get in, there were some people that were dressed like goths lol. The first band was FUN, they are made up of Nate Ruess (he use to be the leade singer of the the format, they disbanded in '08), Andrew dost and Jack Antonoff. I hadn't heard any of their music till I was there at the concert. They were pretty good but then again I may be a bit

Lately there has been such sadness in the world between the flooding in Tennessee, someone wanting to bomb New York, people using Craigslist to kill over jewelry, murders and sickness. These are just a handful of sadness that affects this crazy world we call home. It hurts to see that there are so many bad things going. At times I ask God why he lets all these bad things happen to people that he loves. Then I think maybe it's just that he wants us to appreciate the people in our lives and not take anything for granted because it can easily be taken away and also when it's our time to leave this world we will appreciate the serenity of heaven.

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Today I started reading my good friends blogs and it got me to thinking the little things that get me down are so minor compared to what others are going through in their life. Some days I feel like my life is so pointless and then days like these I realize maybe I'm not doing enough for others and not even enough to better myself. I need to focus on myself and find what I need to do in life instead of worrying about unnessesary worries. For some reason I tend to put all my time and energy into my relationship (with my bf) instead of letting it take it's course and being happy with the way things are and not wanting more. I always want more from him instead of being happy with him.